The Art of Returning

A life update on unlearning, rebuilding, and showing up with gentler expectations

It’s been a while since I last wrote here. I didn’t plan to take a break, but I was on survival mode questioning my life choices. I’ve been reflecting on what it means to live out your calling, how to sustain joy even in scarcity, and what it means to live purposefully. The past few months have been a mix of existential questions. Growing impatient (which is ironic considering that my last Substack post was about “The Sacred Slow”) in things lining up for me. Asking myself how do I make a sustainable living out of choosing a creative career. Wondering if I should return to a 9-5 in healthcare again. Asking myself if going back will give me another life-altering flare. Wondering if this new unclear path I’m on will do the same.

Navigating Lupus and the pandemic kickstarted this career path of creative entrepreneurship. Ever since I was diagnosed with Lupus (over a decade ago), I knew that I would need to have a flexible work schedule to support the ebb and flow of my dynamic disability. It was only a matter of when. The pandemic became the explosion that led me into the uncharted waters of making your ‘side thing’ your main thing. I kept hoping for the map to be clear. I kept wanting to be confident in the ways that I put myself out there, but the certainty never came. Yet, some doors opened, and opportunities came that felt too big for me to walk through. Self-sabotage won at first, but earlier this year I made a promise to myself to not reject myself. Instead of assuming that applying for that opportunity that felt too big will result in rejection, I promised myself to the opportunity for others to reject me. Yes I said opportunity. Why? Because even if it’s been stressful to survive this creative life, I am living in what I used to daydream in my 9-5. Even if the dream is not all rosy, it is a reality that I used to pray for.

Saying Yes to myself resulted in:

• Applying to the Banff Centre for Creativity - Summer Writers 2025 Residency

• Applying for a travel grants

• Applying to be the Poet Laureate in my city: Edmonton.

2 out 3 did not reject me.

Imposter Syndrome: 3
Me: 5

Life Update

I became the 11th Poet Laureate of Edmonton

The City of Edmonton, the Edmonton Public Library alongside the Edmonton Arts Council chose me to be Poet Laureate. Now, I am embarking on my two-year term to be a literary ambassador of poetry and whatever door it ends up unlocking for me. The weeks leading up to such public announcement and the first two months following, I’ve found myself shadow-boxing with imposter syndrome while also receiving an overwhelming amount to support and affirmation from the Community far and wide.

I was accepted at the Banff Centre for the Arts and Creativity Summer Writers 2025 Residency

I spent the last two weeks of August in the mountains, receiving guidance and mentorship from brilliant faculty like Douglas Kearney, Eric Sneathen and Catriona Strang. That time away gave me time to rest and to recalibrate creatively and reconnect with what I want my full poetry collection would be. I got a lot of breakthrough and clarity on what I want my first full poetry collection will be.

I completed my two-year term as Chair of the Patient and Family Advisory Committee (PFAC)

My chapter as Chair of a provincial board of patient advisors came to end. Although it was challenge having to represent a committee of patient voices on a provincial level even as the health system is being restructured. I grew in my patience and confidence to lead and to communicate and facilitate difficult conversations.

Photo by pure julia on Unsplash

Amidst all of these amazing opportunities, I realized that these opportunities were going to demand a different version of me. By different, I mean a version of me that is less afraid, more disciplined, more confident. A version of me that takes more space. It turns out, what I’ve been praying for came in a different box than I expected and I needed to use different muscles to unbox it.

On unlearning and showing up with gentler expectations

I used to think that I needed to have every piece of the how to get to my what. I am now realizing that if even one or two parts of that how are within reach, it’s enough to move forward toward the what.

I’m learning to pivot faster as I figure out a rhythm that feels true to me in this new chapter. To do that, I have to stop taking my “failures” personally — to see them not as proof that I’m behind or wrong , but as gentle invitations to adjust, to listen, to try again.

As this season unfolds, I want to keep showing up with a little less pressure and a little more grace. I want to trust that clarity will meet me as I keep going. Maybe the work isn’t to eliminate uncertainty or the unknown, but to hold it with more curiosity instead of control, and let it remind us that growth is still happening, even in the blank pages of a new chapter.

I’m rebuilding my rhythm here — sharing more often, writing from the intersection of faith, language, and healing. And hoping to connect with those who resonate with what I share.

You can expect one newsletter every Wednesday & every second Sunday, a Faith-based segment I call Breathing Room, where I let you in on my own spiritual practice and understanding as someone who follows Christ.
(not the Christian Nationalism currently plaguing the world, but the Jesus of the bible who liberates)

What parts of yourself or your story are you learning to hold with more tenderness as you rebuild?